Your stare kills me.
Is the mid of September. I'm starting to feel like blogging today. Because I feel so lil upset, angry and many many stuffs. I'm not sure who is reading this post now. Maybe is an unknown or maybe is someone I know, I'm not sure. But never mind, overall is a public blog for me to rant my thoughts here.
I'm not sure whether why do I have this feeling inside my mind. You asked me whether will I angry when I see the pictures and words from all of you. Actually frankly speaking, I'm a lil envy. I envy that you guys can every week(almost everyday) meet together and have fun. But I do not have. Is so difficult to maintain a group of friends together and go out and have fun. It doesn't happen to me. Maybe life is not perfect at all. You can't have everything going so smoothly all the time. All I said should be like this ? If you have a good love relationship, you will get a bad friendship. If you have a group of friends getting together and does not have an good relationship. That's all I chanting to myself. I know I doesn't have a good friendship in my life, but I know that silly guy will continue to relationship with me.
I don't think I'm a good girlfriend or being a friend. I'm so boyish, I'm so ugly, fat, short, rubbish all of it. and of cause i'm straightforward. What I dislike I will just say it without thinking a lot. That is the problem friends don't accept it. I can't change. This is me. You like or don't like I can't control. I do not why that silly guy still can accept who am I now. & I really need to thank him for letting me scold, beat, love, miss him so much. I don't hide being who I am. I show ever single bad/good habit in front of him. I don't know why there is a need to hide all these. I don't get it. We have been together for 7 years. Yes is 7 years & going to 7 years & 1 month soon. We have not really spend a lot of time together like other couples do. When I see other couples holding hand, hugging, kissing, close with each other, I'm kinda of envy again. My boyfriend doesn't do such things in public or even indoor. He is not a romantic guy. He goes law by law. You ask him do what he will do it straight...... I can find all his negative points. Asking me to list 10 good points of him, I think is more than enough. 1 sweet point of him is, he can everyday sends me a goodnight message without fail for 7 years. This point touches me a lot. I think no guys can do it, I'm not sure, maybe have? Though we have not speak on the phone for years or sms each other every single second. But he will send 1 message before 12am to me. I didn't even send any message to him at all. You can see how bad I am... We gave each other too much freedom. Is it bad or good? I'm not sure.
Thinking that tomorrow is the day to get my 1st GPA / Result in my poly life. A lil not high expectation on it. Because the more you expect it to happen, the more sad moments you will get. So I just wish that I can get at least over the passing grade. My parents will not feel proud of my results at all. They only will feel proud for my sis. My sis is so much clever, smarter and hardworking than I did. All I did was slack around, went to Normal(A) and ITE. Which they have already gave up on me. I studied things about computer, but I can't fix a computer. You ask me to reformat the computer I also don't even know how. You will think I'm stupid right? so simple thing I also don't know how to do. But is the fact. I so call already don't have high hope on anything anymore. I'm so disappoint on myself. I don't dare to tell my parents my results too.
Hais..... Tomorrow is the day that my closest friend(Ohbasan) is leaving to USA. I'm not sure who to look for in Singapore already. She is the only friend that I can look for. I feel that she is the best and of cause feel much closer than my own real life Sister. I will defiantly miss her a lot a lot. Ohbasan, I do not know how you think/feel, but I want to tell you, All the best in your future studies and don't silly silly drive to other countries. You can come find me anytime, I will confirm reply you asap. Ohbasan, jiayou! *many loves*
I shall stop here now. Tomorrow is an important day. All the best to me.
