What am I thinking currently?

What am I thinking about ? Why do I lose friends easily ? Why ? What is wrong with me ? Everyone has their own life to continue. Everyone has their own lifestyle. But the problem is why mine is so different ? Why do other parents can be not strict to their children, but mine is like strict FOREVER. Am I over protected ? Whenever you have relationship problem, friends will be around. But when I have friendship problem, who can be there for me ? Why am I facing friendship problem ? Why ? Is it good to drink ? How I wish I can be drunk one day. But the day will not arrive. Because I won't drink. Should be I won't be going to pub/club these places. I choose going to concert torturing myself for queuing for a whole day just to enjoy 2 and a half hour time. I spend so much money just to watch my idols for just few half and hour. I'm wondering, my fangirl mood will last for how long ? How long will it last ? I know it won't last long. After not being a fangirl, what my life is actually?