Feeling differently, changing..

Before I forget what I want to say., shall blog it out. 

Sometimes really don't know what I really want. I wish to have it, but end up I didn't do it. Is like recently things have changed. I lost my way of direction. I don't know what to do. I feel so stress up.

I might look happy, might look great with a smile. But I don't.  I don't even know why am I like this. What happen to me? Is like last time I feel like I'm happy with the things I got. But now even if I got I also don't feel anything anymore. I feel so numb.

Everything seems to be so reality.  T___T what actual happen to me..? I feel like crying. But can't.  Cause no tears to cry..

Can anyone help? Will things get better? I'm not thinking about anything. I just feel afraid. I afraid to lose the one that I got.

Overall, a question pop up: am I really happy deep inside ? :(

I sit alone in the van, even music can't even makes me happy. I'm going to slowly be alone again. Slowly I will leave all these already. I doesn't have the feel anymore. So called trying to give up every single thing. Just  listen to the music.

So what stuck inside my heart that makes me say all these?

Even partner knows that I feel stress, feel unhappy about something.  That something which I don't know what it is actually :(( so xin ku.

Trying my best to look at the bright side, but no. I can't even find something to cheer myself up. All of these, I don't even know what I really want. How to?

I might be annoying, I might not be the one that everyone will think about. I might be the one people using on me. I might be alone.... nobody will think about me when I gone. No one listens to what I said. I feel so usless in this world.

Who will listen? No one. They might be thinking that my words are rubbish. Is no logic. That's why nobody cares about it too. Trying to talk, but what i got is get ignore. Not only once, is more till I can't even count anymore. I can't laugh, cause I don't even know what to laugh about. I feel like an extra. I feel like I can't be with them anymore. I don't know what to talk about. I'm just like living in my own world, Talking to myself, doesn't do anything but just being emotional.

What is the reason being like this? Maybe others will say I am dumb to have all these thinking. But slowly after writing out, I might know the reason. 
I feel no warm in this world anymore..... heart is cold....

I feel like going ...............

Goodbye.