Saturday, July 13, 2013

Living in fear

This week really not a very good week for me. Many things happen so suddenly and I'm can't handle it well too. Just wanna tell myself to be strong and keep all the good memories inside my heart and forever. Is it my fault to have a diary at kept it at home? Why can't I have my own diary and must let my parents know about it? Not private anymore......

I feel so not safe even at home. I feel that I'm just acting as if I'm happy and to be a good person at home. Does it mean I have to continue to act until I die? Sometimes I don't know why I think that why I can't be myself at home. My parents check on me every single day, every single things that I do. Why can't I be a lady that can go out anytime I want and no curfew at all. Really envy those young adults and teenages that they can go out till late night do whatever they want, nobody control.

When they want someone to control them, nobody control. Where my case is I don't want anyone to control and they continue control me till so tight that I feel that I'm like a robot. Means like I'm not in my own world at all.

Things change. Everything change. I have not talk to my sister for days or maybe should say going to 1 week. Since she doesn't want to talk to me then is okay. Living in this house really make me never had a good sleep and everyday have to live in fear that anytime my parents will quarrel or have conflicts among each other or with me...

Trying to be happy......... but seems like it is so difficult to do it 

No comments: